fag hag marathon of LIFE

Don’t be jealous. I think I should have won some kind of lgbtqq award for my marathon of fag haggery 2 weeks ago.

It started with a roadtrip to lovely Las Vegas to see Liza Minelli at the Luxor hotel. We went not once but twice and let me tell you I don’t give a shit what anyone says, that woman can deliver a song. Celebutante chanteuse Meow Meow wept and wept during Liza’s rendition of Charles Asnavour (sp?) and I screamed like a lil bitch when she started doin New York New York the way only Liza, fab eyelashes, punky hair, sparkly see through leggings and boots could do. Rumor has it she is still livin the studio 54 good life if ya know what I mean, but the woman looked great for someone with 2 hip replacements and a possible lifelong buzzkilling hangover. I knw I am now a true fag because I refuse to tell you the gory details of how in the second show she was ahem, sniffling a lot, and maybe forgetting the odd punch line and oh I dunno wobbling, but listen. Any pop star of today WISHES they could wobble out a song the way Miss Liza did so fuck em coz she tore it upppp. I also liked how when her dazzle dancer and current BF of my new york Gay Husband took back a bunch of merch and ticket stubs for her to sign for souvenirs raffle items and conversations starters, she signed every surface in the bag including a business card for a window tinting service that fell out of my wallet. We framed it. Vegas rulz. We saw a titty show after that and then played slots for 2 hours. The game was “Keeping up with the Joneses” and considering I had to play to stay awake while Julian napped in a hotel room so we could drive back to LA without actually paying for another night in a hotel—it was memorial day and there was nothing frugal about that, the game was apt. Also i felt the ass of a centurion at caesars which is pretty gay too.

I also somehow got given a giant Hello Kitty piñata as a souvenir. Now hear this. Do not give me knick knacks as gifts ever. Especially giant ones. My ex, Ben can testify how mad it made me when he gave me a lifesize Elvis thing made of cardboard that said hello lil lady. At least giant knick knacks come with a story. Or a good photo. But don’t do it because they are usually too big to ebay.

Next stop on the fagathon was Drag Queen Bingo in Hollywood hosted by Rosario the maid from Will N Grace. Nuff said.

After that I hosted an entire afternoon of gays at the Queens Pride Rally in New York. My co host was called Jiggly Caliente and she was both jiggly and caliente. Also Filipina/o which was fun for the asian jokes. I unfortunately got no photos of this but did find a nice old queen dressed as wonder woman. Don’t be jealous.

ALSO if that weren’t enough, I went to the premiere of Ru Paul’s Starr Booty a vagilicious romp mostly about drag queens selling their “pussies” and making camp references to fun old movies while singing about their hot pussies and giving bj’s. I touched Ru’s blonde hair and sat next to Lady Bunny. Again DBJ. Finally as the final two installments that I think give me enough fag hag cred that you all should send me a years supply of poppers and glo sticks, I did some queer based comedy for a French tv station and then went on the only commercial gay radio station in the WORLD, that is Proud FM which I am proud to say is in my hometown of Toronto Canada.
Where I had THE BEST TIME EVER with my friends. We graduated from high school a longgg time ago. Lets just say more than 10 years ago but less than 100. we all looked smoking hot and apparently we all still like hangin out, avoiding real work, smoking wacky things, playing pool and video games, and splitting a check with no arguments, ever. I love my high school friends oh yes I do. And one of them is a gay so there you go. You cant see him though coz he is hiding behind kate s. Two weeks of all faghaggery all the time. Sigh. Thank god for little queens.
Here's a clip of my fag hag humor