LA Lesbians and Kato Kaelin as Jesus

Last night i randomly ended up on the set of the L word on one of their last days of shooting. They were doing a party scene so a lot of the series regulars were there and I have to tell you that not unlike actual real L.A. Lezzes, the cast of the show was pretty slammin in their cocktail dresses and stilettos. Jennifer Beals is totally rad in person. I of course skulked in the background despite my on set friend saying "Like, Just go up to them and be like HI YOU DONT KNOW ME BUT I AM A BIG FAN OF YOUR WORK" I almost did it just so I could bask in the lameness of that kind of moment. And if I wasnt kinda working in this dumb ass town I totally would have. And taken a cell phone picture. And asked them to autograph a napkin or something equally tacky. I wonder why Tv lesbians wear wayyyyyy better clothes than real ones. Even the hot ones. Seriously. There are barely any label whoring lesbians. Although I had a nice guess the designer moment with creator director Ilene Chaiken's boots (PRADA, I guessed Cole Hahn.) I realize this document lacks my usual social commentary, but seriously visiting the set of a show is super boring. I mean really really boring. Did I mention the boredom? You can only stare at monitors that dont belong to you for so long.

The second installment of lala lesbian sighting came today at my gym where WorkOut pseudo celeb trainer Jackie Warner was apparently working on her shoulders and chest. Delts? Traps? whatever. A bitch was in a shame spiral on the reclining bike watching Jackie fuckin work those lean muscles and hoping she would not look anywhere near where said embarassed and fat bitch was sweating to the oldies wondering if it will ever actually make a dent in the cookie and cake pillow i have decided to moat myself in with. She was dressed like a hot guy, baggy abercrombie shorts, cool t shirt, cool running shoes, cool gym bag. Pretty face but the rest was like a swaggering cute guy who may have played lacrosse in college and had a ton of girlfriends swooning when he played guitar. Oh the andgrogynous enigma. In any other town she would have faded like a person you call "that guy over there" but with the amount of hair product she was rockin, the perfect arch of threaded eyebrows, the very expensive casual look she had on her, it was def another hot l.a. lesbian sighting.


And to cap the day, I was playing a born again christian, a very zealous one with a very wet lisp, in Hollywood Hellhouse: a recreation of the christian youth group hellhouses that pop up on halloween in towns across america where dancing is still only semi legal and pro choice rallys are bombed and gay people are called "the queers" (which in academic circles is a compliment-- but in those towns most people dont read. Or at least past high school they dont read anything but labels. And yes I do mean that in two ways.) Anyhoo, the hellhouse is a freaky haunted house depicting scenes of SIN like a harry potter game which incites a young man to murder his sister. A rave which ends in a date rape. A slumber party which incites girl on girl kissing.
And a hospital ward filled with botched abortions and AIDS victims who are compared to devil worshippers. Gruesome stuff. One of my favorite actors Harry Dean Stanton poked his head into the abortion room and politely asked to be shown the way out, wishing to ahem, terminate his hellhouse experience early. He missed Kato Kaelin's dynamic turn as Jesus on the cross in a room decorated with clouds, angels and fluffy wallpaper.

Kato Kaelin as Jesus. Me in a shame spiral at the gym because Jackie Warner has a perfect upper body. Standing on a rooftop in the Hollywood Hills with an entire crew looking at me thinking "what is SHE doing here?"
Welcome to Hollywood.