Phyllis Diller Art Party part 2 w/Scott Thompson and Lisa Ann

So I went BACK to phyllis Diller's house this week because a)her assistant Karla is my friend and it is fun to see her and b) who wouldnt. I was picking up a piece of artwork I bought for my friend Lea De Laria who is gonna shit a brick when she sees it--dedicated to her and all. I brought Michele Balan (who ironically is in a jets and sharks feud with Lea and I stay out of that shit because mean old dykes need to leave their cute perky token asian friend out of the hate!! No haters!) Anyhoo, This time, Ms Diller was all dressed in yellow head to toe like a delightful canary in giant round yellow sunglasses and a bucket hat and yellow beads over her yellow shirt (note to self extreme color coordination looks like an OUTFIT in all caps). She told us tons of jokes. Like: An irishman is leaving a bar and.....It could happen! She also said pussy and fuck A LOT. So did I. What will happen when i turn 91 what words will i use the most? Sphincter and enema maybe. Or collaratura. I like that word. We drank pink champagne, apparently the same brand that Debbie Reynolds likes, -- Diller told us that DR carries her own bottle of Zinfandel around, the non fizzy kind, coz she likes nothing else and I drank my whole glass which is imprudent coz I am asian, I dont usually drink and I was driving. But excuse me if La Diller is in the champers then so am I honey. We talked about burlesque and the new show I am pitching, and she said she liked Dancing With the Stars because there was a band and there was dancing. It sounded smarter and hipper when she said it. Then she showed us where c1 and c2 were broken form a night fall and then we looked at her amazing and glorious and beautiful walls of art. Michele took home two pictures. Seriously, Phil Dil's art muscles are STRONG right now she is PROLIFIC. I am unfortunately going to miss her art party on may 18th, legendary especially amongst fags because she hosts a viewing, people buy, get photos and signatures and tour the house. Gorgeous.

Party Crash tip #71: Be nice nice nice to personal assistants. In fact be friends with them because they are unsung heroes in the entertainment industry. Be generous with hookups and reciprocate invitations. Then you too can get invited to art parties at mansions

Party Crash tip #70: Show up with your own celebrities. No one will care how much champagne you consume or how awkward you are if you're the one with the notables on your arm. Although i sometimes don't like this one. You become visible without actually being seen. Sometimes better to slide on in alone, or with fabulous nobodies. Then you don't have to explain why you are colleagues with actual famous people who will pity you in that moment even though you are the ring leader.

Party Crash Tip #69: Buy some art. Or donate to the cause the party holder is passionate about. You become and instant colleague.


This is the 3rd time I've been and the longest we spent one on one chatting. The first time I think she actually spoke to me one on one, and man, we had that perfect kind of formal, lovely visit. Michele said it was the highlight of her trip to L.A. and I kinda believe it because we just chilled. SOme fun Diller facts. Dont hug her. She dont like it. She started comedy career at 37. Her kitchen is all red with a checkered floor. Everything even the fridge is red. There is a big ass portrait of Bob Hope in the living room. She laughs super duper loud. She has a room full of wigs and boas. She loves to cook. There is a bluebird bathroom in the front.