Crashing the American Express Luxury Summit in Palm Beach

Crashing the American Express Luxury Summit

Let's just say that I practiced the fine art of talking myself into things this past weekend at the fabulous luxurious, slightly musty, but always elegant Breakers Resort in Palm Beach. Let's just say that I ate some fabulous lobster, prime rib, baby bok choi, scampi and lemon mousse out on the lawn of this resort and possibly-maybe wasn't really supposed to be there. Or that maybe-possibly I was a little presumptuous when I got the pina coladas at the beach cabanas comped by acting haughty and/or maybe shouldn't have been pitching a high ranking exec from a large private jet and commercial airline company on behalf of a woman I had met in a hot tub next to aforementioned cabana while drinking said coladas. But I did pitch well. And I did the kind of voyeurism I like best. Infiltrating a culture (in this case the culture of purveyors of so called luxury goods to the so called elite in the upper income categories. Many hoteliers. Some product floggers. Many ad and marketing folks. Some posers. Ahem, like moi.) It is funny that I am nervous to report this to you kulturefukkers, fearful of being kicked out of a club I don't belong to nor do I necessarily aspire to. I don't like golf pants. And I don't like rooms filled with exclusively white, well fed, fifty somethings who claim space by inflating perceived values and holding on to classist and exclusionary practices. Did I just mini vomit some leftover marxism from my college years? Maybe. Lord knows I like a fine silkcarwinetintedlensmeallaptopbag but still...I wonder if everyone at the luxury summit goes home and wants to throw everything out and replace it with the BBD. Bigger Better Deal. Or if they take their goody bags, gift them to the houseservants, and feel happy to have found other souls who enjoy the kind of privilege we photograph endlessly for the grocery aisle tabloid set. Am I more guilty about a) crashing the "Night In Havana" buffet dinner with fire eaters and conga band (this is very unlikely but maybe?) b) knowing that I too am part of the luxury summit demographic despite my by and for the people art c) wishing I had more money even though the secret and the tao both tell me this is a fool's inner life d) talking about shit I really dont know about with folks who have made a lifetime of studying it-- consumer trends and the luxury buyer etc e) b-d. f) none of the above. No matter which of these revolving answers I choose I definitely can name you some highlights of attending such a convention especially when not officially invited: Following up a 40 dollar steak sandwich from room service with a Free 4 course meal at the luxury buffet. Getting a copy of Centurion magazine, only available to Amex Centurion cardmemebers, now called Black Ink and reading it cover to cover by a glistening Florida ocean. Salt crusted sea bass with coconut tinged rice. A Belvedere pear tini while already tipsy from excellent wine. Talking about Coach product design with Coach and Black ink cover design with Black Ink. Meeting Paul Bennett of IDEO and genuinely being thrilled. Eating fruit again from the baskets strewn around the premises. Talking myself into the members only gym/spa and drinking tea and cucumber water after a workout. Hearing that less is more for the consumer and more is more for the employee. Discussing the pros and cons of high end hotels selling their fixtures and accessories to the public. Inventing several brand strategies in my mind as I eavesdropped on other people's pitches to each other. Coming up with an idea for implementing private jet brokerage to mid size luxury buyers. Stealing a very plush robe from a cabana then giving it back. Free haagen dasz ice cream bars on the patio. the pretty palm trees near the pool, see pic.

Party crash tip #45: I highly recommend if you are going to crash a convention that it be at a luxury resort and preferably sponsored by someone like Amex. Hint: the bigger the sponsor, the more sprawling the venue and richer the attendees, the less likely they will miss that one lobster leg and glass of chardonnay.

Basic party crash etiquette: dress nicely. Pick up a drink the minute you arrive at the party even if it's half consumed- s0 you look like you have been there awhile. Dont talk shit you dont know about. Enjoy the real delegates and learn something from them. Be generous with your humor. Eat fast. Arrive later than the VIPs and leave earlier than the hangers on. When possible get a nametag. Respect the lines, literal and figurative. Have an escape strategy. Make a best friend fast who will vouch for you even if they dont know you. Dont tell anyone you crashed. Dont take a doggy bag. Enjoy it more than if you had been invited. Disappear.