SAG Swag Swindle

i wont tell you how i got there but I will tell you this. I'm in one of those swag parties we always read about in InStyle Magazine you know where celebrities get a giant duffel bag of free shit from companies anxious for the publicity and the "As seen on" tag to add to their brand. This one wasnt too swanky..It was at the Beverly HIlls Hyatt in the Penthouse. Omarosa was there showing her tit job and The Haitian from HEROS and that's all a I saw from current TV besides my friend. These obviously are list only affairs but since I was on crutches still I looked like pathetic enough a friend to get in and who is gonna say no to a handicapped asian girl in a town with no pity. Here's a tip Hollywood style. Everyone wants to believe everything especially good things. About half way through our perusal of the tables which really were more like booths at a local artists fair--bedazzled hats, fruit elixirs made in santa monica, bottle cap jewellery, t-shirts with silk screens and home made baby blankets, -- I realized that I didnt have to skulk in the background at all. I became the super producer I really am and started talking to all the merchants about product placement in all my shows.--Suddenly without a bracelet I was now getting the golden key. Too bad there werent some couture sunglasses or blinged out sidekicks. The best thing I got in my swag was a Poo Pourri collection of toilet sprays that literally make your shit not stink. And some high end body lotion from one of Fred Seagal's exclusive lines MOR, which by the way is to DIE for it's so luxurious......And the packaging is outrageously gorgeous too.