Tiffany in Beverly Hills Party for Dogs and Rich Ladies

A wonderful party crash opportunity came through a friend of mine who moonlights as a publicist here and PR person for events.


Party crash tip #3 : Have friends who are publicists/PR people and do them favors. Lend them your car. Write copy for them when they are in a crunch.  Invite them to stuff.

So it was a pretty fab party outside Tiffany on Rodeo drive given by the Amanda Foundation, red carpet was for cast members of True Blood, and also showing up were the Mayor of L.A. and Bill Maher who I guess are into dog adoption rescue thingys. It's a pretty popular cause here in LA, the Ace of Hearts Foundation also rescues dogs on the day they are euthanized and all have a ton of celeb support.  This one had a costume contest for dogs (it's halloween) a silent auction, an open bar (love that even though I dont drink much I support free cosmos in skull shaped shot glasses and sake) a buffet of seafood, veg dishes and sweets.  Pretty nice spread. I bid on (and won) a juvederm treatment from a bev hills doc and brought my cousin Tommy from Jakarta who takes pictures for some Italian Fashion mag. The best was talking to some very intensely botoxed real housewives lookin chicks holding their little pooches dressed like princesses and cowboys.  The winner was a pomeranian who lit up like liberace on opening night at the MGM Grand. He is on the extreme left of the picture with all the white ladies holding their dogs on a stage.

Going to this kind of thing makes me feel rich. And poor all at the same time. However I did get an excellent discount on my next round of face injectables which only seems right when you spend half your time living in holly-weird.

The land of dreams and glitz

This is a madonna street vent box on Melrose and Highland. It kind of epitomizes how I feel today wandering around scrounging for change to buy food this week, paying for tires with my bartender tip money for my 85 jag because the 1981 ones are still on there!!  aware that I am about to be paid handsomely for some shows in a few days, aware that i have a gorgeous new laptop and 3 creditors calling me. Preparing a grant application and 3 tv pitches. And a free trip to hawaii in december. Honey Hollywood really really is poverty jet set even when you are "making it"

Lisa Ann gets an award and I see David Hasslehoff's shoes

That is David Hasslehoff's white patent shoe!!!!

We went to this Torrid event-- Torrid is a line of "cool" clothes for plus sizers. Lisa Ann who created the show I exec produce "Dance Your Ass Off" on oxygen was getting an image maker award and I thought oh yeah, a few free hors d'oeuvres maybe some lip gloss in a swag bag, a typical Hollywood event. Plus I got to chill with three of the BEST dancers we had on DYAO (Pinky, Shayla and MAra all who totally rock) and Julian had a night off so we went to the quad/lawn of FITM for the event. There was a runway set up for a cute fashion show. Turns out Torrid wasnt fucking around. they had Brooke Hogan do the preshow yes i know, i know, but that shit aint cheap, and then they had the Hoff present an award to his own kid (the one who posted the drunky video of him on youtube channeling elvis eating a burger and mumbling megalomaniacally about how great he is--LOVES IT) and there was a singer chick whose name I can't remember 9sorry publicists) but who gave me a little Rihanna vibe and was pretty ovah ("ovah: what the kool kids now say instead of fierce or off the hook. It is OVAH. this look is OVAH. it will be OVAH") anyhoo. Here is David Hasslehoff. He looked a little man-o-rexic.



Party Crash Tip #7: Sometimes say yes to what might look like a party with your friend just coz why the hell not, and look forward to the mini pizzas. You might get a Hasslehoff sighting as a bonus. Or a coupon for a free massage in the swag bag.
Lisa Ann wowed em in this vintage dress

And finally a lil Brooke Hogan in da house...I appreciated that her ultra cougar mom was there with her asymetrical haircut on a boy prey, and her car driver brother Nick also there cheering her on. She was a big Lisa fan so that's all good too.


I haven't had anything particularly cunty to say lately, so I hope that doesn't mean that I am going to start actually getting invited to parties. I suggest if you are a kulturefuk fan that you read these like the Torah. Start at the end, (the earliest blogs) and end up here on the front one. Otherwise I might be giving you too much hollyweird bullshit cheese factor just because I am too busy to record my actual cunty reactions on the night of the events right now and have to back track. Takes the edge out a little. but not totally.This one is the Hoffs daughter who posted his burger-eating shame video. Nice goin kid. Everyone is accountable! She had on some Fendi shoes that were OVAH.

Fireceness at Soho House ALL SUMMER LONG

Who the fricking frik has time to blog? I mean really??!!!
I am so super duper behind I am gonna have to backtrack to august now. SHIT.
OK so real fast here are some pics from the couture runways we did at Soho House every wednesday night. Next year bigger and BETTER. I ended up hosting the last few coz, well, ya know. That first pic is me with drag legend and ex-con Flotilla DeBarge and our music Director slash genius in residence Lance Hornewho happens to be my favorite emmy winning composer in an Alexander McQueen suit. we did not pay retail. What am I crazy?
From the Calypso Show model Ash who herself is an extremely good party crasher






PARTY CRASH TIP #98: Be a model






(all walk for Diane Von Furstenberg on the rooftop runway)


Tiffany valentine is on fire on the runway!




PARTY CRASH TIP #99: You have to sort of be aware what couture looks like at a bare minimum. Sometimes clothes SAVE you. I was crashing a Junior Vasquez birthday party at the now dead and gone Tunnel in 1999 (the kind which STARTS at 6am-- seriously) and the door bitch was giving my friend grief and we were listed under HER name. So i sidle up, and go really are you sure? and He/she goes is that Dolce? And I was like, uhm, yeah I just got it . (strange mumu outfit that looks way better on the rack than it does on me but definitely 90s Dolce and Gabbana.) and I shit you not he she goes, "That is fierce. Ok, anyone wearing Dolce gets in." and in we went. SO YA NEVA know. I did not pay retail for that either. I resent retail and I also resent fake bargains.
Know the difference and lap it up when you see a bargain.

this one is me talking backtage to Brady Mc Donald principal dancer with Mark Morris Group and Javi Ninja of legendary house of Ninja who performed the preshow for Ungaro.



PARTY CRASH TIP #89 Bring cool people. Guess what cool people are often not snobby. Benny and Javi Ninja are uber cool scenesters in NYC and Benny is notorious from his vogue career and America's Next Top MOdel. Javi is just plain wildly talented. Brady is my old classmate from Juilliard and one of the top modern dancers in the world. I promise you, if you swaggered up to them in the correct manner, knew something or someone in common and had cool things to offer them (sobe party tix, hookup to a photographer, invite to a weird poetry reading where they could perform etc) they would not act like dicks. Even if you bought them a drink and said whoo let's dance they would be into it. Bribery works. Friendliness works. Appreciating what people do works. And THEN. Bring them to whatever thing you are crashing or only marginally invited to and let THEM do the sweet talking. OR just stand there looking cool while you convince door bitchery to let you in.

this is brady and javi on stage. the song was smooth criminal it was fabulousss.

I got more. I spent a few weeks chilling with those ninja boys and re-firing up my friendship with Brady. The other thing about being fearless about talking to those you think are cooler than you is then when it sticks (and honey dont even sweat it -- you WILL get blown off often-- but it is worth it for the times it sticks, for when it does, your world of ideas and colors and friends and experiences opens up and it keeps opening and opening the more you say yes to things that are new and interesting and challenging and intimidating. Risk being told no. A lot. a hundred nos are nothing. One yes is a doorway to parts of you (and parties) you never knew existed.