Being in a movie is a good way to crash a glam party

Well this is a no-brainer but you can fine tune your fun nevertheless. Obviously the bigger your part, the better the fun factor, the glamor of who will actually talk to you at the after party, and the size of posse you can bring with you. My first feature film of any significance came last month and starred the outrageously talented Anne Heche who has a rep for being a Crazy Pants (remember the book, the wandering around etc) but who is a consummate pro, rocked her thespian self and because of that-- who gives a crap what alternate personas she may or may not have. A. she likes to have a good time. B. She was a dynamo of excellent acting, and her passion for being truthful in the craft made my Juilliard trained self have to jump back, and learn from a 20 year in the biz kinda pro just how to take charge of character and arc. Anyhoo back to the party.  It would behoove you to hang at the party with the most high status person on set which of course is the director and star but you have to have out in the ground work to make a friendship happen if you want to achieve that.

Anne and Kate officially friends at this pt.

Friend/party crash tip #878 Acting normal around famous people who you are working with is a good start, refraining from taking pics until you are SURE it is a friend pic not a fan pic is also key. Don't even pull out the cell phone if you are not entirely sure that you are a friend because a. you will ruin the friendship and b. you will immediately be relegated to the status of whack fan.  This is really more about basic friend skills. Do not pretend the famous person is not famous because that is just as stupid and annoying as unnecessary flattery by platitude like "I have always loved your work" that is the past kiddo. stay in the present. That is your common experience. Get interested in the work, get interested in lunch and if there is chemistry it will reveal itself. if there isn't, you didn't act like a tool.

The after party for this movie took place in the east village and involved an open bar, great snacks and quite cute swag bags for cast and crew. I got there a little late and it was pretty packed.  The front bar was still open but i wasnt really drinking. I attacked the gourmet mini cupcake table pretty hard. For a small party this had the good elements. High end junk food, free booze and gift bags that didn't blow. And had chocolate inside. I invited 4 people, two of whom were friends of mine who are making a totally guerilla indie film and are 10 years younger than me.

Party Crash Domino effect tip #531: If you have the power, push your plus one list to include an up and coming talented person you enjoy because a. they will appreciate the free stuff and need it more than your rich friends and b. you are likely to karmically get invited to their after parties when they scam their indie film into the Tribeca Film Festival and the tables of fortune turn to reveal the next ben and matt aka. your former boy toy turned struggling writer actor pal.

FREE TIX TO THE KNICKS means I eat cotton candy

The funny thing is when I asked all my friends hey guys anyone want free tickets to the Knicks opening night at Madison Square Garden I was met with blank stares. Is that SPORTS? said cabaret chanteuse and international avant garde diva Meow Meow....A mix of horror and incredulousness crossing her brow as she wondered WHY i would even have such a thing as tickets to a sports arena. Extraordinarily busy composer cum Music Director for "Messiah Rocks" (which we are still taunting him about gently), Lance goes "Is that basketball?" And Michael who is recognized now ANYWHERE he goes because of teh Emmys and the notoriously badassed characters he plays was like ummmmmmmm, Is it like a long sporting event.  You would think I was speaking swahili to missionaries inviting them to a tongue clucking choir rehearsal or some carving of the ox ceremony. Bemused, mildly interested that I, one of their kind, might even suggest such a thing.  I explained myself "Ok look its FREE. I have a hookup at the Garden and think of the spectacle! we can watch normal people watching sports it will be like looking at exotic fish in an aquarium". The point is, kulturefukkers, we really don't understand nor have patience for nor get into the whole sports "thing" other than as odd tourists gaping at both teams equally and examining the relationship of their outfits to the arena music to the dancing girls at half time.  I never know who to vote barrack cheer for because I dont give a crap and whomever is looking more athletic like is who i am likely to scream for. Randomly. Like a halfwit with an armful of pink cotton candy, a diet coke and fistfuls of popcorn a flyin out of my mouth as i scream DEFENSE DEFENSE looking nervously around to make sure that is what the hoi poloi are saying. These are hundred dollar tickets peeps.  I went, I saw, I cheered the wrong team and got sugar shock and bought a cat in the hat type of hat. I got the Juilliard violin virtuoso slash rock n roll electric violinist who has played symphonies and then changed shoes and played for Jay Z to come along.  It was fascinating.  And we also bought t shirts.  To wear like normal people.

Party Crash Tip Number 45: If tickets are FREE to something you are not into, say a sports thingy bring the least likely person you can find to said thingy and enjoy the tourist like quality the thingy takes on. Buy a shirt or hat to prove you were there and use it as a couture accessory.

male cougars not so great

At the poolside fashion show I attended with Lisa Ann last month, i noticed that male cougars are not nearly as sexy or appealing as female ones. They are kinda scary in their white pants and shag hairdos. Plus, botox is idiotic on men. Everyone looks like Kenny Rogers or a collectors dinner plate. It is not supposed to be smooth and silky on a dude. It being the face.  Like ever.  Barry Manilow has turned into Linda Rondstadt and Kenny is Kate Smith and Elton John is Dame Edna now.  I protest botox on all dudes at all times. That's all.